Bloom Where You're Planted

I was texting with my sister this morning as she was waiting to board her flight to Guatemala.  She and Juj are going to be there for a week on a dental mission trip.  She will assist him as they provide free dental work for local people while sharing their faith at the same time.  I was talking to her about the last day or so, and how incredibly sick I have been.  Since the time I woke up yesterday morning, if I sit up, stand up, or walk- I throw up (or dry heave when there is nothing left to give).  Nothing stays down, and I literally can't be upright without running to the bathroom.  Kat made the connection that my babies were like Sour Patch Kids.  "First they're sour, then they're sweet!"  It seems silly, but it actually helped me to hear that.

I'm realllly consumed with the "sour".   I can't see past the now to the sweetness I know is coming.  Yes, logically, I know that when I have this baby, my morning sickness will disappear, and I will be blessed beyond measure by the life of another little human that is sure to shape me into a better person and mother...but honestly, I'm not lounging around all day thinking about how blessed I am to be pregnant or thanking God for this new life. I'm not maintaining a positive "it's all for the cause" outlook.  I'm whiny.  I feel sorry for myself.  I feel guilty for the way my sickness is impacting my family, and I'm cranky.   

I find myself sometimes wishing away this whole part of my life.  Begging the next several months to go by quickly.  Here's the problem with that.  I'm missing everything that's happening now.  I'm missing out on Lyla's last few months of our undivided attention.  I'm missing out us being a family of 3.  For a toddler, 9 months is a significant chunk of her life.  I can't just wish it away.  Realistically, I know that from now until October is not going to be one big vacation.  I know that I even if I was just a big ball of sunshine all the time, I may not be able to function as well as I would like to make every day the best it could possibly be.  But there has to be a middle ground.  I came across this graphic yesterday, and it was exactly what I needed to see: 

I need to bloom where I'm planted.  I need to make the very best of the next several months.  Not just for myself, but for my family. I may spend a lot of time in the bathroom. My house may be is messier than ever.  Many of our activities may have to be done from the couch, and I'm 100% sure Lyla will watch way too much TV.  But I can hold her as she does.  I can do my best to soak up every minute with her, and make her feel like a priority, even if we aren't at the park, library, museum or zoo every day.  I am hopeful that the first trimester is the worst of it, and that maybe I only have a few more weeks of feeling this way this time around.  But I can't just keep waiting for that.  My job is to be the best mom and wife that I can be today as I look forward to the sweetness that I know is coming.