It's not surprising that this pregnancy is strikingly similar to my last. Around week 6, my days of occasional morning sickness (beginning in early week 5) change into days of constant toilet hugging, nausea and the inability to keep anything down. This was all expected.
Something that is unique to this pregnancy is the addition of a toddler. A toddler who, in my eyes, deserves the world, and all the loving attention her mama can offer. In my previous pregnancy, I had a job. It had regular hours, weekends off, and even the occasional sick day. While being a SAHM has been my favorite career to date, my time clock runs constantly, and, unfortunately, the guilt of the way this pregnancy is effecting my first baby is the absolute worst side effect I have experienced.
My first major hormonal ugly cry happened this morning. Luckily, Lyla was upstairs playing with her dollhouse, and after throwing up the grapes I had just sent Dustin to the store on a special trip to buy, I went into the living room, called the hubs over, and let the pregnant lady feelings flow. It went something like this (just add in sniffles and the occasional gasp):
When I found out I was expecting, of course I was over the moon. After imagining life as a family of four, my thoughts then went to life as a family of 3. I knew having a baby would add so much to all of our lives, but I also made plans to enjoy this pregnancy and the next several months as my time as a mommy to one came to a close. Initially, I was doing a great job of soaking it all up, and pouring into Lyla, but the sicker I feel, understandably, the less I was playing. Instead of being in the play house with Lyla, I set up camp looking out from the porch to where Lyla played and tried not to move. She has been so sweet to me it hurts; bringing me peppermints as I come out of the bathroom, and telling me I will feel better. I have also watched her immediately cover her ears when I begin to run to the bathroom. I have listened to her explain to a friend, "It's okay...my mamas just frowin' up again!" She has told me she doesn't like it when I'm sick. I've seen frustration on her face when I tell her I need to sit down for a moment. And this is only. week. 6.
I realize, rationally, that I have little control over how my body experiences pregnancy. I can only do my best to keep our day to day as routine as possible. I know Lyla may be annoyed with the nausea, fatigue and vomiting- personally, I'm SUPER annoyed with it....but she is also 3. She copes with new situations in ways that amaze me every day, and I have to believe we will make our way through this transition together, too. She's still a happy little girl at the end of the day, and just this morning she asked me, "Mama, why do you love me so much?" (Cue tears again.)
In the end, the next several months may or may not improve. They may or may not be really hard. "Every pregnancy is different." I can't possibly know exactly what to expect. But there are some things I know for sure...
I know I won't feel like this forever.
I know my baby will be born.
I know the love in my heart will grow exponentially.
I know our family will be enriched.
I know every single one of us, including- and maybe even especially Lyla- will be blessed by the addition of this new life.
and that's all I really need to know.
I was hoping that this second pregnancy wouldn't be as hard on your stomach as the first. :/ I'm sure it's beyond frustrating, but the fact that Lyla is coping so well with this is also an indicator of how well she's going to cope with having to share the attention she usually gets with a baby. I'm sorry this isn't just easy breezy. I'd had my fingers crossed that it would be. But everyone's got to adapt to this new life of four in more ways than one and probably long before he/she gets here. I'm just happy to see that you've got such a good support system to make it easier than it could be.
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