Birthdays!

It's Lyla's third birthday!  This day has contained so many thoughts and so many emotions!  This birthday was the first time we didn't throw Lyla a party. The main reason is that there wasn't a good weekend for our families this month to all make it.  In the past, we have invited friends from church, but since we are not currently members anywhere, we felt that it would be silly to go crazy with a big party- undoubtedly Frozen themed- for such a small number of people who would actually be able to attend on any given weekend.
If I'm being honest, this decision hurt my Pinterest-loving-heart. I LOVE to throw a party.  I LOVE to spend months DIYing everything I possibly can, and ordering whatever I can't on etsy.

See?  I love it.
As an alternative, we decided Dustin would take off work on her actual birthday, we would get her something nice, and we would just have a "Lyla Day"- whatever she wanted to do, we would do it!  We started planning a while back, and she decided she wanted to make her own Frozen cake together to look like Elsa and Anna.  She also wanted to eat at Steak 'n' Shake (her favorite restaurant) for dinner. We told her we could go anywhere else she wanted to play for the afternoon, and she had planned for us to go to Chuck E Cheese. I accepted her requests, but a piece of me was feeling guilty for not turning our house into Elsa's ice palace and making Frozen themed everything.
So this morning, when she woke up, she was ready for her present from Dustin and I! He had stayed up late putting together a giant dollhouse, and it was waiting for her in her room. (It might be important to note that we co-sleep, so when she woke up, she was in our room).
Anyway....we walked her from our room to her room as she covered her eyes and hesitantly took each step.  When we planted her in front of the dollhouse and told her to open her eyes, she was thrilled!  She said it "wow!" several times, told us it was beautiful, and thanked us profusely throughout the day.   We spent the rest of the day playing with her dollhouse.  In fact, that's all she wanted to do.  All day.  Play with me & her dollhouse.
Throughout the day, we baked several round cakes (for stacking) and a dome shaped cake (that took twice as long as it should have to bake for reasons I'll never understand).  It was finally time to decorate!  Halfway through, I can tell that this is going to look very far from the youtube cake tutorial we were using as a guide.  I start silently planning to order all of her birthday cakes from here on out from professionals, and just as we were finishing up, Lyla looked up at me and said, "Wow! I love this cake! You're the best mama ever."  And that 100% did me in.  Immediate tears.  Immediate reality check.  Did Lyla appreciate her previous birthday parties?  Yes...she actually still talks about her Yo Gabba Gabba party every once in a while.  But do you know what she never mentioned about that party?  The streamer canopy I spent hours on.  The ruffled table cloth I slaved over.  The "on theme" names I had for every finger food.  She has only mentioned the people she shared that time with.

Because she doesn't care.  She doesn't care for a second about how Pinterest worthy her party is.  She cares that she was given my time, my love and my attention for a whole day.  I am almost certain I will again plan a giant birthday bash in the future.  (I don't think it's a waste of time.  I do think it's exciting for kids to see their homes transformed in their honor.)  But I hope that I don't lose sight of why I'm throwing those parties.  It's not to prove myself as a good mom.  It's not for my own pats on the back. It's because I love my babies so much my heart aches, and they will know that not for anything I make for them or any "thing" I give them, but by how much of myself I share completely with them.  My heart is full.